Where do I even start.
I tried so hard to get this post out before the New Year..but then it became the New Year's Day..and now it's 2:21AM of the 4th. I just can't find the time these days to sit quietly and compose my thoughts without being interrupted by my almost 3 year old asking me to play supermarket with her. That's right, Zooey is officially 2 years 9 months guys. She's active, she's healthy, she's speaking 3 languages and is very very persistent when she wants you to play supermarket with her. Motherhood has definitely taken a toll on me and trying to balance 'work' & family, find my place socially and decide the future of this blog has made me pretty anxious and tired...I'm going to break this post into the top 3 things that I've reflected on, what I realized, and how I'm going to make it better...and of course end with a photos of all my favorite encounters of this year.
FAMILY & MARRIAGE
It's been exactly a year and a month now since we moved from Tokyo to the states and I have to say that it has definitely been a challenging adjustment for our family. It's been the hardest on my husband as he doesn't speak English well and has never lived abroad. We have moved back in with my parents so things might look obviously easier for me, especially with the tremendous help financially and watching Zooey while I work, but trying to make it together as 'our' little family has been a very bumpy roller coaster. Though I really do appreciate all the help from my parents, it's SO MUCH PRESSURE sometimes and I know that I can't push my husband to do anything faster than he can. Our roles have changed and dealing with all this pressure, and feelings of resentment for making the move back to the United States hasn't been fun at all. But we are here, and we've made it. He's slowly adjusting more and more each day. We are still together and we still laugh. We look at Zooey and all the struggles of our marriage are temporarily forgotten. Because I'm originally from here, I put the pressure on myself to support our family and to be the one to figure EVERYTHING out. But I learned, that this is not a marriage. We need to compromise, we need to communicate, we need to understand and respect each other to be able to do things together, as a family, smoothly and peacefully. From this day on, I will be more patient and understanding, as a wife. Zooey is the happiest when we do things as a family and I need to stop going about this as a single mother.
Living in Japan for almost 10 years shaped me into a completely different person. I 'FOUND' myself while I was living there. I had freedom, I lived everyday spontaneously and fell into an industry where I was atypical yet influential. How did I, someone who has a BS degree in Biology from UCI, a drop- out from Pharmacy School end up as an influential Fashion Interactive blogger doing freelance PR and became known as the connector of people around the world!? It was confusing and so much fun but I could never properly explain this without going off on tangents and taking over an hour of your time.. (Actually, I did explain this once in my blog a few years ago but I have too many party reports to be able to find this post..so if anyone remembers reading it, I will be most happy to post the link here if you can let me know)! Anyhow, before making the drastic decision to move back here, I 'believed' that I had some job offers. I was confident that I would still be able to do something related to fashion or in the entertainment industry. I relied too much on the words of my 'friends' who offered me these potential jobs and ended up with nothing but disappointment. Shit Happens. People are flakey. It really made me lose faith in people but at the end of the day I learned that I can't depend on others to make things happen for me, even tho I always try my best to make things happen for everyone that I meet. After 6 months of doing random jobs and restlessly searching for the right one, someone believed in me. I finally landed a job where I can use all of my skills and learn more about Social Media - which is a field that I basically eat and sleep in. But just like a workaholic in Tokyo, I'm not able to do just ONE JOB, and also found myself doing other freelance jobs, one being a brand ambassador for a shoe brand I LOVE and also content collecting for a digital media company. I continued to be an official blogger for WWDMAGIC as well. I'm slowly getting other freelance job offers and hopefully I will figure out what I 'REALLY' want to do, consolidate these gigs and become the most successful working mom I can be. Not to sound cliche but I learned to never give up. If you really want something to happen you just have to do it YOURSELF. Sometimes bad shit happens for a reason and you're supposed to learn from it. Get the support you need from your family because most of the time other people will never be there for you. This is why your marriage is extremely important. I have his support tho he hates me sometimes. LUCKY!
Being a working mom is NOT easy. I don't know how people do this without help. I'm so grateful for my parents to be around and want to watch Zooey when I need to do other things. Recently Zooey's been really annoyed with my iphone use. Since I work in Social Media, I kind of have to be on my phone often. But she doesn't understand this, and I realize that she is fed up with it. She's taken the phone out of my hands and thrown my phone 3 times now. This is a really bad sign that I'm on my phone way too much and I feel like such a horrible mother! Zooey goes to bed late too. But she takes long naps in the day. Does this compensate? Almost 3 years into this motherhood thing and I still have tons of uncertainties..On another note, I actually need advice. I'm starting to worry about Zooey's diet and can't seem to stop my parents from giving her junk food like cookies, chips, fries etc... I know that I can't be there all the time, especially if I'm working...I need to learn how to cook more and prepare healthy snacks for her right? Pinterest, I need you now. Time, I need you too. How do all you amazing mom's out there do it! Being a mom is SO HARD. I appreciate my mom so much more now....BUT...the difference in culture and generation is very stressful. I still don't have the right advice to give about this topic but hopefully I will have some good advice NEXT YEAR! Pray for us that Zooey doesn't end up obese with medical conditions.
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a fashion blogger or a style blogger. This blog started off as a party report blog and slowly incorporated events and fashion exhibitions. I partied and I reported about it. I want to continue attending events and blogging about them but I still feel a little lost here in LA. I'm so grateful for all of the 'bloggers' and PR companies that I've met since I moved back and look forward to attending more things this year. I need to do MORE. But don't expect this blog to change into anything other than what is. I'm still on the fence about how much longer I will continue this blog but in the meantime, I'm going to keep at it. Hopefully since we are settling in finally, things will be picking up this year and it will be way more exciting than 2014!!! Zooey might have a youtube channel and her own blog soon. Who knows! *wink*
As promised, my favorite moments this year... in no particular order scroll away!
We went to the Beach A LOT.
Zooey met Ryuma for the 1st time.
Zooey went to Disneyland for the first time.
Met Samantha Peterson of Freshly Picked. I respect her SO MUCH!
Selfie with Stephanie of Honey & Silk.
Little Black Boots.
Chriselle was pregnant.
Onch's Mochie Bar Video.
AMI AYA came to LA
I zip lined with Stephanie
LOVEMADE, which also reunited me with my old friend Jerry.
and biggest moment of this year..
Zooey started Instagram.